I Think I Married The Wrong Woman

I am a guy in my late 30’s and have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a 2 year old son. She is a good wife and I can’t honestly say she has done me any wrong. She has a good job and we seem to be having a good life together from all appearances except that we don’t have anything in common. When we are home together, it’s almost like being with a stranger. We never have anything to talk about and we view life from different angles.

Conversely, I have some habits that I picked up over the years and can’t seem to let go of. I am a decent man and I have a well-paid job with a multi-national company, but I enjoy marijuana and prostitutes. I have successfully hidden this from my wife of 4 years but it’s such a strain leading a double life.

Before we got married, I had a relationship with this other lady whom I loved very much. We had dated for a while and were very compatible. With her, I was always myself. She knows all my habits and accommodates them well enough. We have the same views on almost everything and I have never had cause to hide anything from her.

At the time we were dating (before I got married), I noticed that she didn’t seem to be very committed to the relationship. She was very flighty and had a lot of male companions I wasn’t comfortable with. At some point, I started doubting that she loved me. All my efforts to make her calm down and pay serious attention to our relationship proved futile and I grew tired of trying. We broke up and she didn’t seem fazed at all. After some time, I met and married my wife.

About 2 years after I got married, I ran into her at a friend’s. Apparently, she had been trying to get in touch with me and had actually contacted a few mutual friends. We got talking and she was very regretful of the way our relationship ended. She asked my forgiveness for treating me shabbily, and pleaded to resume our relationship. She seemed to have calmed down. She also seemed more settled and focused.

We started dating again when I was sure she was serious and now, we are inseparable. My friends are comfortable with her; they’ve always known her and she blends in very well with us when we are on our jaunts. With her, I feel like a different man, a free man, a much happier man. I strongly believe she is my soul-mate.

We both wish I had not gotten married as we very much desire to get married. Now I regret marrying my wife and my resentment towards her grows every day she remains my wife and I am compelled to live my double life. I’m almost at the point where I can’t bear to be with her anymore.

I’m considering divorcing my wife and marrying this lady. I am not a happy man right now and it’s like I’m slowly losing my mind over this. I have spoken with a few friends but they are split over the matter. My resolve grows everyday but I still have some doubts.

How would you assess and offer advice on this situation, please?

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